Your aunt Helen's birthday

Today is your aunt Helen's birthday. I called her today and we had a good talk.

I like her better and better the older I get, which I guess is my way of saying that if you end up with a sister or a brother, be open to the possibility that you won't get along for a while, but that eventually you might turn out to get along really well.

I can't remember being very close to Helen as a kid. She's a year and a half older than I am, but I don't remember us doing much together. I wasn't close to your uncle Sterling, either. I think we were all kind of independent, reclusive kids.

Sterling and I became closer because we both lived in L.A. and we were both more or less in the film business. I remember one time visiting him in his office on the Paramount lot. I was pretty well established as a commercial director and Sterling was working as a post produciton supervisor on something.

Sterling's boss Jeff came in and said hi, then asked how to do a particular post effect. So I told him three ideas that came immediately to mind. Jeff got kind of a weird look on his face, which I realize now was because he hadn't actually asked me the question. Sterling said, "Yeah, all three of those would work. And I can think of four more." And went on to explain other, better options.

That was when I realized that Sterling was no longer my little brother. He had become my friend.

I suppose the parallel incident with Helen came a lot later. Of course, she never lived in the same city that I did and she became a scientist, so we didn't have as much in common, so maybe that's why it took so much longer.

For Helen, the real moment came this year, when we were at my cousin Howard's wedding.

It was the rehearsal dinner and your grandmother had had a few beers. Your grandmother likes beer--and there's nothing wrong with that--but after a few she can become a bit belligerant. She had asked someone to get her another beer, I think it might have been Larry, and he refused. So she got up to get it herself.

Helen and I both saw her heading for the beer, but Helen was the one to head her off. She told your grandmother not to have another one.

Your grandmother didn't like hearing it, but I guess she realized Helen was right. She put the beer down.

We found about a year ago that Helen has cancer, and not a particularly good kind, either. I suppose when something happens to change your life, you tend to react in unexpected, yet completely understandable ways. The cancer has given Helen focus on what matters to her. She confronts your grandmother now and makes her put down the beer, without worrying about how it's going to come across. She does what's right. And I love and respect her more than I ever did for it.

So how does all of this relate to you?

Tonight, our friend Janet came over for dinner. Janet is a tough, tough woman. She started washing windows three years ago for extra money when times were really bad and has managed to turn it into a successful business. I cooked steak for Janet and me, and a vegetarian burger for your mom because she hasn't had meat in nine years.

Your mom has been complaining that she doesn't feel satisfied by food. Pregnancy can do that. Your body craves certain foods because it needs something they contain.

Tonight your mom tasted my steak. And liked it. It made her feel better.

I suppose if there's a point to all this, it's that people change and grow, sometimes out of necessity. If you're open to the changes, and don't hold on to who a person was or who you think they ought to be, you can often find that they end up being someone you appreciate a lot more.